The Choices We Make, Follow Through to the Day
by draconia2
Summary: Two POVs... over coming fear is the first step to love
1. Hiei

The Choices We Make, Follow Through to the Day

Why couldn't he stop thinking about him? It bothered him so much. He couldn't stand to be near him, and yet he didn't want to leave his sight. Kurama had suggested he just tell him how he felt, but he figured it would lead to him being hurt more than he wanted to be. He'd been left alone so many times over, he didn't need it again. The loving hate was always near him.

Hiei walked silently nowhere. He didn't care where he ended up, he just needed to get his thoughts together. He couldn't keep this up. He knew it wasn't good for him, nor his strength. He didn't even eat breakfast. His love for someone was trapping him as a bear trap would a bear. But he wasn't a bear, and his secret love wasn't a trap either, but his love for him felt consuming and longing, not wanting to let him go, as would a trap to someone who it couldn't remove.  


It frightened him how he could love someone, want to be with them, but despise them and can't even take them, all at once. Quite the situation irony if you asked me. The feeling of being trapped between this dilema is the worst. You feel as if your heart and mind are being contradicted and you can't live without each being in sync. Your mind needs to understand you heart for you to understand yourself and your feelings. Although this dilema is the most outrageously difficult of all, you can't help but feel somewhat in control. The controlled feeling can come from the idea that you will know when the time is right what you feel and when to say it, but awaiting that time is what most will find the dilema to be. Though we know others will arise in the process, I am merely stating the most simple and major dilemas we can commute off the back.  


Unfortuneatly, Hiei's thoughts wandered furthur than he had intended. The question now was to either let _him _figure it out or out-right say it. Either way, the outcome was what scared the hell out of him. He could go into a rage and shun him, become prejudice towards him, or he could embrace him, love him in return. Either way, Hiei understood it would be difficult to do so, in any case. For if he was rejected, he would possibly become more bitter than he had been before, and if he wasn't, he wasn't sure how to act, respond, or even know how to control that emotion, if it was new to him. He'd never experienced anything like this and that is probably what frightened him just as much or more than the response to the simple question.   


Hiei, watching the ground and not his surroundings, found himself right at the home of the questioning in mind. His true one's home. He approached the door slowly, catiously, as if it were a beast to be weary of that if you wake it it will kill. He stared for a moment at nothing in perticular, wondering whether to knock, or turn heel like a coward and run. He wasn't a coward, but this was new and unusual to him.   


He gutted it up and slowly raised his hand to knock on the door. As a reply came, a familar voice that he knew to well, he began to worry and his hand quivered. The door opened, and _he_ stood there, somewhat startled by the presence of Hiei standing there unexpectedly.  


"Can we talk?" Hiei asked frightenly. The tall teenager looked at him oddly for a moment, then let him walk past. Hiei couldn't help but feel alone in this situation. It was a little too much to begin with, but he knew he would pull through it, whether or not heartbroken or happy.   


As he walked in, a cat meowed and purred against his true one's leg.  


"Eikichii! Stop that," he bent down and picked up the cat and set him on the couch. He glanced over at Hiei, noticing and most likely wondering why he was here in the first place... Though he hoped it was for what he was wanting, something he was also afraid in the least to ask, admit. Though opposites attract, right? Could it be that one insults because they don't understand how to cope with what is going on with them? Or do they do it because they know what is going on and they try to dismiss the fact, push the questioned in mind out reach and out of their own comfort zone? 


	2. Kuwabara

He couldn't sleep that night, the darkness under his eyes proved it. He sat down in front of the television contemplating. His reason of distress was not one to be taken lightly for it could mean the heart was never to mended. His love for _him_ was unconditional, even though he didn't show it. Refused to show. He didn't know how prejudice those he cared about were and afraid of the reaction he would get from _him_ would be too much.

  
His distress bothered him. At first, he refused to believe he could love one in the same as him. When he first met him, he didn't show it, but inside he hesitated at the sight of him. When they became more acquianted, he taunted, not necesarily knowing any other way of acting towards him. But, that didn't help it. He still loved him, whether he'd admit it or not. 

  
One of the faintest heart, no matter what the background, status, appearance, some things can run deeper and be in everyone. Everyone is capable of love. A tyrant who cares for no one loves the ablitiy to be a tyrant, though not in the sense we are discussing now. I'm simply stating a point.   
Kuwabara sat staring at nothing on the sofa. Eikichii meowed at him and jumped in his lap. He glanced down and softly stroked her fur. The cat purred softly and closed it's eyes. In some sense it calmed him in a way, the purring of a cat and with the warmth it emits is very soothing. He smiled and leaned his head back, closing his eyes. He couldn't help where his mind wandered, back to _him. _So his relaxation was cut short.

  
He sighed. Not knowing how to handle this to any extent. He was afraid to ask Yuusuke, for he might not understand. Kurama might though. Botan, Yukina, or Keiko might flip and blab to everyone how we'd make a cute couple or maybe look upon him as disgusting. Either outcome he didn't want. He liked his friendships, and he didn't want to ruin any of them.

  
He pushed Eikichii off his lap and stood up. He walked toward the kitchen when he heard a knock at the door. He dreamt it was his longing and decided to dimiss that fact. He would never come to see him. He blinded himself with the mere fact that _he _would never love him. That hurt more than a rejection itself for he gave himself no longing hope and hid behind a hidden mask of pain.  
He called to the mysterious being behind the wooden door and unlocked it. Upon opening the door, _he _stood there. He looked a little distruat and his expression was somewhat hard to read. Kuwabara searched his eyes and thought he saw a glimmer of fear.

  
"I need to talk to you," he spoke. Kuwabara slowly stepped aside. Hopefully it was what he was now letting himself wish to be.

  
"Eikichii!! Stop that," he looked down at the cat and moved it away. He gestured to the couch.

  
"What's up, shrimp?" Kuwabara tried to ask normally.

  
"Please, stop calling me that," he sounded almost pleadingly.   


"Sorry. What's up, Hiei?" he gave him an apologetic look.   


"I'm kinda in a runt," Hiei looked down.  


"What do I need to bail you out of?" Kuwabara asked.  


"Not that kind... emotionally, I mean."  


"Oh, really? Why didn't you go to Yukina?" Kuwabara inquired, somewhat unsure of why he was here, and to why he would ask him about it.  


"I didn't want her to know," Hiei looked up, this time almost apologetically, sensitivly.   


"Hiei?"  


"I believe I've fallen in love with someone, and I don't know how to tell them," he gave a soft laugh.  


"Why did you come to me then? I'm not a counsler," Kuwabara said saracastically. When in love with someone, you preferably don't want to help them with who they are in love with when you believe it's not yourself. It also hurts more because they don't know you love them, so they don't know not to ask and when you don't want them to know, it's even worse.  


"Because you know them, and maybe you could help me?" Hiei looked at him with his stern look, which didn't quite didn't fit his statement.  


"I'm not the one to talk too unless I know who."  


"I don't want you to know who," he could feel the arguementive tone in Hiei's voice.  


"Then I can't help you!"  


"Just give me some advice! Is it so difficult?" Hiei gave him an irritated look.  


"It's not my fault I'm having a love crisis!" the verbal irony in this.   


"I'm sorry I have issuse like the rest of you, baka ningen!"  


"Your just as a baka, Forbidden Child. That's what you are, right. The abomination?" Kuwabara realised his words to late. He didn't mean them, but anger and hate can take it's toll.  


"It was a mistake coming here. I should go," Hiei turned and started walking out. A tear slipped from his eye and hit the floor as a gem. Kuwabara noticed and picked it up. When he looked up, he was gone. He sighed and plopped down on the couch. He felt as if he had actually lost him. He held the gem in his hand tightly and softly started to cry into his hands. It was too much. He loved Hiei, but Hiei loved someone else, in his mind.   


He slowly stood up and decided to go for a walk. He grabbed a jacket and walked outside, locking the door behind him. He quickly walked across the street and headed down towards the park. He tried to think, but his thoughts went back to him.   


When one can not stop thinking, when you think you've lost them forever, then there's nothing that could ruin your relationship any further, right? What's the point in not saying anything now? It can't do any more damage.  


Kuwabara sat under a tree in the park. He watched as the leaves of autumn fell to the ground below him. He sighed softly. A gem fell on his head.  


His head shot up. He looked up and saw Hiei sitting there, dried tear streaks sitting on his face.   


"Hiei," Kuwabara said softly. Hiei looked down at him. "I'm sorry."  


"That why your here?"  


"No... I wasn't expecting to see you. I came here to think," he replied honestly.  


"Figure it out?"  


"Yes. So who do you love?" Kuwabara changed the subject.  


"You know him more than I do."  


"I need a little more detail than that."  


"He's here now. I can sense something that I'm not sure I should, but he looks up as I look down," he looked down at Kuwabara who looked shocked.  


"Hiei-"  


"I shouldn't have said anything... but if I didn't I would have died on the inside."  


"Ai shiteru," Hiei's eyes widened a bit. He glanced down to see Kuwabara smiling back at him. He smiled back.   


"Ai shiteru."

Time in one's arms go by faster than most others. Three months and holding, though the occasional nuisance. The question now is whether or not friends are really friends if they know...

~Owari~

reviews? anyone? Arigatou... 


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